Today is the last day of mu life up until now. I'm in the process of detaching from my sojourn at Ft. Hood. Got off work early (my team lead made arrangements to have me covered), didn't make my numbers (contacts instead of widgets), came back to my room (home for seven weeks), did an hour in the little weight room (treadmill, weights, what the hell is happening to me!). Now this. Giving myself permission to mull over the moment.
I didn't used to "do" goodbys. I would try to treat leaving like business as usual. After a while, I learned that a kind of compromise Ho!
Sometimes it was okay, a choice to not emote feelings which were private and which I wasn't either sure exactly what they were or, if I could seperate out and recognize an emotion, I wasn't up to putting words with the feeling.
There was some sort of embarrasment about this.
Like when I was a kid looking away when the cowboy kissed the girl (or his horse).
It was a mixture of a desire to look, a movment in the chest reagion (and later somewhat lower region), and a pain that seemed might overwhelm me. Acturally, no one told me not to cry when I felt like it, felt sad, or lonely in advance of the parting.
I actually don't seem to have the chemistry for easily crying and that has sometimes been quite painful.
I learned this from experiencing times when crying just came out and it felt good not to have to try to do the emotions with words.
It gets closer to essece of the moment vs maybe the meaning
Along the way to now I was fortunate to have it brought to my attention, through some pretty emotional partings,
that sharing what you value about another person,
lets them know that you see them and perceive them, and that this actually feels good.
By being seen one knows more readily that one actually exists.
it possibly may encourage them to recognize or reconnect with and perhaps own their presence on the planet as a gift requiring ony that they show up, be present, be in touch.
One also
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Gary from what I have read this was/is absolutly the right thing at the right time for you to be doing. I feel it and hear it. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteG, This makes me think of the traveling salemen of yore, or a cosmic time traveler. How to move in & out of meeting interesting new people with or without the emotional connections? Is my goodbye discomfort from my desire to hold onto something I want more of? Or is it just the normal feeling of moving on. Kind of like shortly after the sunset has faded. See you back home soon. Zack
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